Erin Does Life.

twotwentyeight:

Here’s the thing about the moments that change your life: they don’t usually announce themselves as they happen. They stand out in retrospect, if at all. You realize one day that you’re living a certain sort of existence, and you look back to see what your path was, how you got here. The moments are small, slight, but they accumulate. You carry them around with you, little stones rattling around in your heart, polishing one another to a shine. Or you just take an inventory and move on.

But once in a while, the hairs on your arms stand up, your chest tightens, and you see a fork in the road where there never was one—where there was no road at all, maybe. It’s not behind you; it’s ahead of you—just barely ahead of you. You find a part of your awareness is attuned to what this means and what to do because the choices you make and how you act now matter. One day, you wake up and you know. Today, one year ago was the day, a ‘Ben Davis’ moment I like to call it. I think we’ve all had our Ben Davis moment. The moment that forced you to look inside yourself, and realize that somethings gotta give. Something has to change.

Three hundred and sixty five days ago I looked in the mirror and decided enough was enough.

I was standing in my bathroom looking at myself in the mirror as I did every night before I went to bed. But this night, that pimple on my chin stood out to me, so I tried to wash my face to make it go away faster. This night, my hair just wouldn’t fall right on my head so I gave up and pulled it back into a ponytail. After brushing my teeth, my teeth didn’t seem white enough, so I brushed again. My eyes suddenly weren’t green enough. And where did that crinkle in my forehead come from? And my god, when did I grow an extra chin?

And then I looked, really looked. I looked from the tiny hairs on the top of my head to my toenails on my feet. And I hated it.

I hated what I saw.   

I wanted to rip that mirror off the wall. I wanted to crawl into my bed and not come out again.

How did I let this happen?
How did I become this person that can’t even look at herself in the mirror? 

After standing at the mirror for an additional twenty minutes just staring, the only question I had left for myself was,

How can I change this?

So, I took a deep breath and I turned around and I stepped on the scale. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I stepped on this scale. It had an inch of dust on it and shoved in the back corner of my bathroom.

As I stood on the scale, I cried. I cried because I was so unaware of how bad it really was. I cried because I couldn’t believe the person I had become.

Who was this person?

This person ate at Burger King three times a week. Drank regular soda like it was water. Had no self control over portion sizes. Thought that French fries counted as her ‘vegetable’ for the day. Had no self-confidence. Only saw the inside of a gym because she worked there, not because she was working out there. And had no one to blame but herself.

In the moment, I had never felt so alone.

Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why didn’t anyone try to stop me when I shoved that double cheeseburger meal down my throat the night before? Does anyone notice how fat I am?

I sat down at my computer and started twotwentyeight, my starting weight, and a number I would never see again.

I made my first post .. and many, many more like..

that time I ran Rock N Roll Philadelphia

that time I ran the Philadelphia Half Marathon

that time I was called chunky at David’s Bridal

that time I did life

that time I hated who I’ve been

that time I made some goals

that time I needed a pep talk

Starting Weight: 228 pounds
Current Weight: 164 pounds
Total lost: 64 pounds

So, when you think that you don’t have anything more to give, when you think that you’ve given it all and it isn’t for you .. give a little more. Look back, gain some perspective. Look at how far you have come, and at how far you WILL go.

Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: “I will try again tomorrow”.
-Mary Anne Radmacher

Awe-inspiring. Just incredible. Julie, I can’t wait to see where your adventures take you next.